Free Unwanted Christmas Trees
  Home | About | Mission | Help Us | Links


Christmas is Murder

If you're like most Americans this year you'll venture into the frozen wilderness wielding an axe or saw to procure a christmas tree for your living room. If you're one of the less adventurous you might drive to the latter day slave auction known as the Boy Scout christmas tree stand to poke and search for that perfect tree. All the while you'll be trying to convince yourself that you aren't an oppressive butcher. Well you are.

I understand that my position, that trees should have the same rights as humans, is a difficult one to defend when confronted with the enormous body of misinformation and deeply rooted prejudice I now face, but face it I will. Andrew Jackson once said "One man with courage makes a majority," well I am one such man, but I'm already in the majority. According to the Hamer Forestry Corporation the current ratio, in the United States, is aproximately one-thousand trees for every human, and growing annually.

The National Christmas Tree Association, or as I like to refer to them "The Enemy," reports 37 million christmas trees are sold annually in the United States. These trees are forced to live in cramped death camps and allowed as little as 35 sq centimeters of ground space each. If one of these pitiable creatures dares to droop it's head in weariness it has it's neck tied to a stiff rod, to keep it erect and to serve as an example to the other prisoners.

Unable to escape the devious tortures inflicted by their jailers, they live lives of misery. Their limbs are cut off and they're forced to eat animal excrement, until the day they are chopped down. The insult, however, doesn't end there. Weak and barely alive they are forced into the back of crowded trucks and driven to labor camps run by young boys no older than they (christmas trees are generally seven years old at time of harvest.) As they are unloaded from the trucks blocks of wood are viciously nailed into their bodies, presumably to prevent escape.

From here the poor creatures are sold into slavery, shackled with brightly colored lights and forced to stand in corners while heavy weights are tied to each limb. Great joy is taken in the misery and eventual death of these trees, and the American public never thinks twice about it.

Well I'm here to change all that. Two years ago I co-founded an organization called Free Unwanted Christmas Trees (FUCT). FUCT was formed in the hope that the new millenium would witness the abolishment of Green Slavery. I know it won't happen overnight, but with your support our children will someday live in a land where freedom isn't just for some.

FUCT is not alone, there are a number of similar organizations. The Boulder Vegetable Rights Association, Vegetable Liberation Front, and VEAL: Vegetable Emancipation Action League, are just a few examples of similar groups. While these are very liberal organizations so is the International Vegetarian Union, our primary opposition. The conservatives too are represented, though a bit lopsidedly. Particularly when it comes to christmas trees. One can find no greater support for Christmas and all that this barbaric holiday represents than conservative America.

The primary argument of the opposition is that plants, lacking a nervous system, do not feel pain. This apparently makes it OK to kill and, in some cases, eat plants. Lethal injection is often used to kill condemned prisoners in the United States and elsewhere. Before they are injected with a lethal dose of pottasium chloride, however, prisoners are injected with sodium thiopental, a chemical that quickly causes unconsciousness and paralyzes the nervous system. Though they don't feel any pain at the time of death the fact remains that they have been ritualistically murdered. The same is true everytime a christmas tree is cut down.

We support Phil Colby in his statement that a living being does not have the right to kill, or eat another living being, whether animal or vegetable, without its permission. Since most animals and vegetables can not voice their consent, the only option is to eat other human beings. Therefore we at FUCT demand that a law be passed to make eating illegal except between consenting adults. First, however, we wish to outlaw Christmas, toilet paper, and clothing made from cotton.

Our numbers are few, our influence small, but our dreams are as big as the mighty Sequoia. One day history books will acknowledge the incredible contributions trees and other plants have provided throughout history. One day the shackles of lights, and the chains of popcorn will be broken. Evergreen seedlings will sit in classrooms alongside white children. We need your help to ensure that today's dreams will become tomorrow's reality. Together we can end this yule-tide oppression.