Free Unwanted Christmas Trees
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How Can I Help?

There are many ways you can help end conifer oppression, and aid in the larger fight for vegetable rights. You can begin by going through your closet and removing any cotton clothing you may have. We at FUCT suggest you move to a 100% polyester wardrobe. This is the fabric of choice for enlightened humanity. If you drape yourself with animal tissue or plant fiber you may as well be living in a cave, you barbarian. You should give your cotton clothing the proper burial it so deserves.

The next step is the bathroom, take those rolls of toilet paper and bury them with your cotton clothing and install a bidet instead. Europe has long been wise to the superior, and humane cleaning power of the bidet. We Americans would do well to learn from our European brethren.

It pretty well goes without saying that you'll have to stop eating vegetables, or any other living creature that doesn't give you permission to eat it. This may seem a bit extreme, but it's the only morally exceptable thing to do. It's very difficult for an animal or vegetable to voice their consent. There are, however, several options. Your diet will consist primarily of consenting human. We understand a few of you may be a little disturbed at the idea of cannibalism, and we have a solution for you.

We have a fleet of psychics who are able to communicate with both simpler animals and vegetables. We send them out daily to search for suicidal vegetables and animals who are receptive to the idea of being human foodstuffs. This may come as a shock but the real reason so many armadillos and possums are seen dead on the highways of America isn't that they're slow and dimwitted, but rather that they just can't take the pressures of life any longer. Possums, being the only marsupials in the united states are outcasts of the animal kingdom. They're never invited to the cool parties, are always last to be picked for kickball, and usually can be seen eating their lunch alone in the corner of the playground. Armadillos are shunned for similar reasons, being the only Xenarthrans in the US. This causes these poor creatures to be become very depressed, eventually it gets to the point where they'd rather throw themselves into traffic than go on another day.

We find them before they've killed themselves in such a violent, painful manner. Our psychics take them to one of our various field offices, where a trained physician uses a lethal combinantion of drugs to painlessly end their lives. The animals are then prepared for your consumption! Don't worry, the drugs we use become inert and won't harm you in the least*. A similar process is undertaken with vegetables. The result is our delightful line of Consentulicious® frozen dinners, available in your grocer's freezer.

If you think you can understand the thoughts of animals or vegetables and would like to aid us in this capacity, email us your resume today!

*this claim has not been verified by the Food and Drug Administration.